Finding Your Person.

"Wuvvv…. twue wuvvv, will follow youuu... foweverrrrr…"

I tried to insert the sound bite in there, but I don't know how to. If you've seen the movie, you know what it is.

I just finished watching The Princess Bride, for the gazillionth time. In case you haven't seen it (and I recommend you do) it's about the "True Love" that exists between Westley and Buttercup. And I always have to question when finished, is there really such a thing? Or is it just for story books.

Love is a touchy subject for me. I've spent the majority of my adult life not really believing in it, outside of the love I have for my family and friends. I grew up in a generation where Mother's promised their little girls they would meet their prince charming, and live happily ever after. I too, have heard a variation when I was a little girl. I know now it was most likely to protect us from the reality that might come later. Because after high school it was "you'll meet someone in college"… and then after college it was "you'll meet someone at work like I did"… and now it's just "stop being so picky". Here I am at 44, single and a "never-been-er" (as I've explained in Birth of The Beach Chronicles). Which is what's triggering the question now: such a thing? or story books. 

Buttercup: "I fear I'll never see you again…"

Westly: "Of course you will."

BC: "What if something happens to you?"

W: "Hear this now…I will always come for you."

PBC: "But how can you be sure?"

W: "This is true love. Think this happens everyday?"

Maybe story books. Don't get me wrong, I've been in love before. Thought I was, an embarrassing number of times, too. And oh, how awful the broken hearts were when I was young, even with the "I-thought-I-loved" ones. Just ask my girlfriends who've had to witness them. We lost at least 3 phones during our sophomore year in college because of broken hearted [ego] tantrums. Right out the window. Literally. But as I got older I think I just realized love isn't something that just happens every day. I believe it's quite rare. So, there might not actually be a "prince" coming my way any time soon. At least not by my Mom's standards as they were when I was little. Then again, maybe there is.

I'm not sure how I feel about that to be honest. I live very strictly to the rule that I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong reasons. And if that qualifies me as picky, then so be it. I know that's hard for people who care about me to understand sometimes. I remember when my beautiful Aunt passed away. She actually had a pretty heartbreaking life. So, she loved her daily martinis. She earned them. Unfortunately they, and smoking caught up with her and heart disease ensued, then heart surgery. Then afterwards, a stroke from which she never recovered. Man, I loved that woman fiercely. I miss her and her laugh. She had the greatest laugh. I was living in Atlanta when I found out she had the stroke, and I quite literally jumped in my car and drove down to Tampa. Six and a half hours was all I needed. I was a few hours too late. By the time I got there she was in a coma. My Dad went in with me to talk to her with the hope that she would hear me tell her I loved her. As a side note I've never been really good at telling people that. As an adult anyway. He was my rock that day. But as we told her how much we loved her, he put his arm around me and told me I shouldn't be so selective. I think he even said something like, "You'll never find someone who isn't an asshole at least once in awhile…" haha… I got it. He doesn't want me to end up like she did. Meaning, sad and alone. I can't promise I won't be alone, but I can promise there will be a martini or 2 in my future *wink* … Joking aside, I understand the concern, really I do. And it truly was a lovely moment between my Dad and I. But I'm holding out.  

I'm sure my definition of "true love" (if it is "such a thing") is going to sound unrealistic, but it's mine so don't judge. And I'm not so unrealistic as to think it would come without issues, or won't require hard work, or it won't face hardship. It does. And will. I know this. So here it goes: I define it as constant. And unconditional. It has really long legs that can stride across long distances. And chemistry. Man, it has chemistry. You look at the person and are utterly "gaga" (as I like to call it) over them, and not just physically. You can turn around and 30 years have gone by, yet you still love like the very first day you realized you did. And because of that longevity, even the worst of shit can't break it. As if the roots are so firmly established that regardless of the storm, they/you will still be standing when it's over. And maybe, just maybe, you genuinely don't want to be with anyone else, ever again. I know, I know, you're all shaking your heads with an "Oh, Wendy… bless your heart…" But I don't care. I'm sticking with it. I've felt it. I've seen it. I'm not dreaming of a prince. I'm waiting for my person. He'll show up. Asshole-moments, issues, hard work, hardships and all.

If I had to give a number to the times I believe I have felt real love (at varying degrees mind you) I'd say 4 maybe 5 times. And if I have felt some level of love 4 to 5 times in my life, I would say one of them was "true love". Maybe two, but I'm pushing it with the second one. And if I dig through the idealism and the memories and crap that kept me hanging on white-knuckled to those two, the hope for another chance, or what ever it is that we can't let go of when it's gone, I can narrow it down even further to say I really only felt that for one of them. One. Still do today. And I always will. Perhaps that's why I've been so "picky".

But love is really friggin' difficult, man. Which is why it's so rare. Too easy to give up on apparently if we look at divorce or infidelity statistics. I look at all the couples on the beach and wonder what their fate is. I have to say, I think the worst of it is not being able to be with the person you love. Whether it's because they are no longer alive, or they're over seas, or they're just simply unavailable or don't love you back. It happens. A lot. We can't help who we love though, you know? It's painful. And confusing. I guess the reality is that some things don't always end up the way we want them to. See? Story books. 

For anyone reading this, if you have found your person, I mean really found your person, I would really like to hear about it, genuinely. Tell me your story in the comments below. And hold on tight. Tell them you love them often. Be kind to each other. It's rare. And this life is short.

So what do I believe. Story books? or such a thing. Who the ef knows. Half of you reading this will read it as I'm cynical. The other half will read it as I'm a hopeless romantic, especially based on comments I've made in previous posts. Time will tell. What I do know is that this was a horribly mushy tangent I just went off on, wasn't it? Guess I must be softening. The Princess Bride will do that to you… So I'll just leave you with the following quote from it (with a slight modification):

"I do not envy you the headache you will have when you finish reading this entry. But in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women…"

*Smile*