"I" Before "E": The Real Story.

And an explanation for some cryptic Facebooking this past week.

In a previous entry I wrote about something I had to do that I was dreading. Yeah. That "something" is now over with. I can friggin' breathe again. It wasn't as painful as I feared it to be, but it's also something I hope to not do again in the future. At least not under the same circumstances. Trolley Pubs without motors are not for the out-of-shape or faint of heart. They are wretched vehicles. haha But seriously, the main reason being I just don't like to be around people I don't know very well, or doing activities I have no interest in, and doing them in public places I'd rather not be. But I adapted. Sounds high-maintenance, I know. It isn't. It's just the way my brain works. Let me explain.

Recently I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test for work. They use it so that they have a better understanding of how to approach and include each employee successfully, in any given situation. No really, they do… at least the intent is there. Which I might find to be a good thing, if and when it happens. The problem is they give the test to prospective employees… as in, you haven't been hired yet when you take this test. I find this flawed. I mean, if you feel your potential job is dependent on it, and who wouldn't, there will be people who will not answer honestly, but rather in a way they think the company might want them to. I would think it might happen a lot, actually. I, for one, totally did this. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I am a stickler for honesty. I've had too much experience with people who aren't into the whole truth-telling thing, so I am making a conscious effort to be upfront and honest with who I am, what I say and how I live. It's probably very annoying to some, but I don't care. It's about doing the right thing. All of that said, I came clean and confessed to my evil dishonest test-taking ways. I even admitted why. And in my quest to practice what I preach, I retook the test. The outcome was very different than the original. So when the team heard my new results, and after working with me since May, the general response was "well THAT explains it".

I'm not for or against this test. I do think if it is taken honestly, then it can be very telling. And if the results are taken without judgement, then it can be very effective. And it might perhaps, even explain a person's behavior better, as in my case. I'm tired of beating myself up over something I don't know how to explain. I usually just refer to myself as "awkward". When I first took the test it said I was an Extrovert. Well, this might seem possible... I can talk a lot, and I like to hang with friends out among the masses at times. And while taking it the first time I really wanted to be extroverted. But the retest tells the truth. I know how to engage in conversation socially when I'm comfortable. I go out with friends to bars and baseball games, etc., like anyone else... however, when I do, the place is chosen carefully. The bigger the place and amount of people can play a GIANT role in how soon I leave. Even when I entertain in higher numbers in my own home, I spend most of the time in the kitchen. I really don't like answering questions. And I often go so far as to cancel or turn down plans, because I really just enjoy being at home. And alone. These are just a few examples, mind you. It really goes much deeper than that. This is just not the right place to get into it. I'm an Introvert. And I am learning to embrace it. It's sadly viewed so negatively and it shouldn't be. When people first hear it their initial reaction is to apologize, as in "oh, jeeze, I'm sorry... But you have a lot of GOOD qualities too!" or "I think all introverts are just crazy…" (that came from a co-worker a few days ago). The reality is that we just approach situations, projects, public interaction and the like, differently. What moves us forward and what we enjoy doing are just different. Where an Extrovert gains his or her energy from other people and social experiences, basically things outside the self, Introverts gain their energy internally by experiences that stimulate their mental life. Simply put, E's focus on their outer world, I's focus on their inner world. And if I've ever appeared to be focusing on my outer world, I assure you it was either an effort to try to fit in, or a means of necessary adaptation. Or, perhaps it was simply Extrovert-Envy.

I feel compelled to mention that the test is made up of really short and annoying questions where you choose between two words or phrases… 

Are you more a) fair-minded or b) kind-hearted. 

Does staying late at a party a) energize you or b) drain you. 

Do you prefer to work on a project that is a) scheduled with a deadline or b) casual and open-ended. 

These aren't verbatim, by the way, but close enough. Some questions aren't as clear-cut as that and are often times very frustrating because they are so similar in meaning or context. There was a question I was adamant about circling BOTH answers for:

Do you find you are more a) unwavering or b) devoted. 

This one pissed me off. I am both. I know the definition of both. And firmly believe one drives the other. I feel that one can be devoted enough to something that they will stand unwavering on it. But I digress.

This is how 75% of this test goes. And it feels like a mind-fuck to be honest, pardon the expression. And can be very stressful unless you completely understand that there isn't a wrong or right answer to these questions. So, I'm pretty sure you'd be more likely to feel less stress, take it honestly, and understand its use if you were to take it AFTER you were hired. Right? 

There's no judgement in the outcome. Or at least there shouldn't be. Because at the end of the day, there are amazing strengths to both camps. And one camp isn't crazier than the other… In fact, I think a business made up of 100% Extroverts, or of Introverts, would totally tank immediately. There's a balance in life. To everything. And this is no exception. One simply needs the other to be successful. I recommend storing that away for any time you catch yourself judging a co-worker's personality or behavior that's a bit different than your own. Things aren't always as they seem. I'm not high-maintenance. I'm just different. Just because I'm not smiling, doesn't mean there's something wrong. And if I should decide to stay home, it doesn't mean I am depressed.

If you ever have the opportunity to take this test, take it seriously. If you have already, I'd be interested in knowing what you all are. At the very least, take the time to read the differences between. Here's a good place to start, which includes at the bottom of the article a great TED Talk video on introverts, if you're interested:

The Science of What Makes an Introvert and an Extrovert

Perhaps it will give you a better understanding of who I am, and how it's possible that I can write this blog about the random ramblings in my head, and still be considered introverted.

My beautiful cousin once posted the following article from 2003 on Facebook. He's a nurse. And a smartie. And I read it every so often to remind myself I'm all right.

Caring for Your Introvert

I'm just happy to learn my awkwardness finally has a name : )